Won't you wallow louder?

Nick, you’re so perfect, but you’re not. At the same time.

You don’t…you don’t make me feel loved, you know? I could be one of those hopeless romantics, I could love you endlessly until the end of time. I could love you and you wouldn’t even need to love me in return, to show me any affection in return… But I want affection.

I want someone to hold me and be there for me, during those long nights where my thoughts turn darker than the night sky. Someone to understand me and devote their time to me… 

You’re so perfect, except you don’t understand. You don’t do that. You don’t.. you don’t tell me everything is going to be okay. You hide from me. You make me feel useless.

What do you expect me to do when someone amazing like Brian comes into my life and gives me all of the care and affection I need and want?
Someone who… has all these things in common with me and someone who I can trust, because I clearly have a hard time trusting you. Because you clearly have a hard time maintaining truth.

And when… when I tried to return to you. It’s like you didn’t even understand you lost me in the first place. You didn’t act like it was an extraordinary miracle to get me back.

Maybe my expectations are too high, but.

I just. I want…something… and I don’t know.

I’m torn.

 I like him so much, holy fucking shit.

I hate myself.